to keep is to never let go. to let go we show we love. to love is to endure. to endure is to live without. i wont be around forever and i cant be the one to say something every time.
to love is to give. to give is to loose. to loose is to find new
till death do i part from this flesh givin to me.
till death do i part.
till death to i start.
you stole my mind.
you took my heart.
you wrote on my soul.
you mocked my dignity.
until the end, i only pray you take my sanity with you.
i pray and i pray.
i weap and i weap.
i gasp and i gasp.
i drown and i drown.
i live for one.
you live for none.
my mind is numb.
but yours is not.
you see so little.
i see so much.
ill find you, you fucking dog. none of this will ever end.
until death do i part.
until death that i stop fucking caring.
until death.
the day i plead is the day i bleed.
the day i bleed is the day you plead.
the day i die is the day everyone can say that i was already dead.
get it through your fucking head.
"hes dead"
"hes dead"
to love is to give. to give is to loose. to loose is to find new
love is what you make it. not only for you. love is not something that a single person can claim.
it takes two.
love can come in many forms.
love can appear in many forms.
friends can appear in many forms as well.
love can hurt a person in ways physical pain cannot.
so can friends.
if you cant live without that sick puppies friend. you can live without me and dont you ever come crawling back.
when you leave me for those dogs you better get on you hands and fucking knees and bark like a fucking dog.
and babe. when you sink to the bottom of the concrete and all you can do is bark, theres gonna be no one but those fucking dogs that can hear you cause its going to be to late. and how do you get a dog to stop barking. you pin them down and you let them know that all this can happen.
all this was made to happen.
he made the poisen.
he gave it to his friends.
they all turn into dogs.
you stopped seeing him but hes always around.
the only way he really got to you is he pinned you down and made things happen.
dont turn into the crying, crawling dog that ends up where all the crying, crawling dogs end up.
may god lay him down to sleep. when i kill him, i beg no sanity to keep.
There was truly only one thing this all led up to.
If you just put it plain and simple.
Insanity.
Sometimes when I say it in my head (living is easy with eyes closed) it only makes me feel like falling asleep and never waking up and that to me sounds fucking good. Living would be damn easy if my eyes didn't have to open so I wouldn't have to be reminded all about how I fucked up big time. I don't expect anything more than that but I gotta say, all this bullshit is getting played the fuck out. I'm sure your asking why is he saying this as if he knows what hes doing and hes bitching because hes technically insane and expects something different for the same fuck up situation I managed to pull off again. I don't want to say all this leads up to is that I just don't give a damn, I don't know where I would start to fix even the smallest things.
This excuse only led up to one thing.
As stupid as you say I sound.
She said this is fucking Insanity.
I gotta say, I feel like I have it all but yet at the end of the night theres really nothing. My first reply to that is that all the things I do to fill my life or make the time line grow is really there. All the earthy items you pour into your life to fill in any empty spots will always be there and seem to be the only things that ever stuck around with you. When the day is over and the world lays to dream... night time comes. You lay to rest, you fall asleep and your alone again only to wake up and find out how your going to find all the missing peices all over again. Emptyness. We all have a tunnel with no light... some just never stop walking regardless the fact they see no end. Only hate knowing that they're gone and it would be very hard to find out how far they really made it down that tunnel but do not hate that the person left. Realize that I heard everyone calling for me telling them that life things cant always work... why walk now when you have a million steps ahead of you. Why? She sees me and only sees that she got the easy way out. Fun comes in seasons and misery loves its company. Sometimes I feel psychotic but for the most part I feel fake. Fake only to me. I tell myself things that make mind seem like my conscious is actually working. The weirdest part is my logic behind all of this shit comes as quick as your face appears in a crowd and shes next to you. I dont bang nor claim but Ill never let you have her. I mean, if I'm going to be doing some extra breathing... why not do it right. I'll tell you again Sarah Christine Lafferty. I will fucking kill for you.
Until my fucking superficial death and my open casket funeral... till the very day my mind cant remember your face no more. Until death may I part bind. I am so sorry.
The way I ended my anger, It only led up to one thing.
The scary part is:
I refuse to plead Insanity.
Call it twisted.
Call me crazy.
I said I gave you my heart but you stole my mind.
TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS!!! ...its worth it
The cool thing about it, is i don't remember writing this. I found this in my back when I came home. Here it goes.
If my heart was scenic, you would turn your head. If my thoughts were overtaking my actions, you would be dead. If I could only show you what I know. If I could only show you were to go. Opitamy of life. Riddled with death. Confusion of heart, coming off meth. Taking you back... feeding you lies. Injecting these drugs, you cry out your eyes. I Opened my mouth, I took my last breath. Only to apologize, for your death. An ocean of questions. An ocean of lies. An ocean of heart ache. An ocean I'll cry. Im tired of hurting everyone. Im tired of being choked. Lift my neck from this superficial rope. Addiction to being lifted. And lifted to get away from this pourpotrate that this world creates. All we know is to only hope. Use this chemical dependancy to cope. All lies. Trust dies. People drift. Eternal gift. Burdon bare, baby scare? Love... hate? cute new date. Tommorow I already dread. Convicted prisoner of my bed. Creepy noise. Deathly poise. Small pause... Just because. Peace reconed. War declared. A cry for pity, cracked out city. Practically dead, Im off to bed. Dreamy eyes, Branded lies. Scream demonicly in your head. Shake demonicly in your bed. Regret over played. Me over drugs? I almost stayed. Building up hope. Smokin your dope. Hoping for your current desire. Only a single promise to feed my fire. Gullable me. I need to pee! A flaky resoution. A quick fix solution. Hopes are high. Repeat after me!!! SMOKE TILL YOU DIE! Burning out. Come over here. Im so damn thirsty, bring a beer? Killing time with smokes and sighs. A pack a day comes with lies. Before my dream, I invisioned my love. In my dream, You came as a dove. Shes so fuckin shady when she fucks around with shit. How can I commit to open my life, when she'd rather get lit. Up for one day. The next is two. Fuckin world. Fuck all of you. I cried myself to sleep. Woken up to a fuckin beep. Sleepy eyes, depressing sighs. Random mind, one of a kind. Trembling hands, worries and fears. Traded these stab wounds for heinikin beers. Monochrome dream, bannana nut cream. Starve me for days. Drug signs play. Waterbugs or water melon. Beer run, instant felon. Putting girls in front of my priority list. Man, fuck that chick, im fuckin pist. Mega Deth meets Crystal meth. Offtrack me or sober you? Gotta go pee? Im part jew. Do what I say? Reverse it in play. On track me, cursed with an everlasting delay of confusion. Confusion of directions with these voices in my head. Destiny holds more than one outlook. My life is a story, an unwritten book. 7 shots to catch a faze. A fat ass bowl, so we can blaze. Captain morgans half way gone. Captain morgan... meet my bong. Back to my beers. A commited freind, commited for years. Drunkin nights. Pointless fights. Old news and overplayed. Left for a party, some over stayed. Humble thoughts, yet a demonic desire. Believe in god or you'l burn in fire. You told me no, but I did it anyways. You told me it was only a few days Pathetic lie. You deserve to die. I've got this world all figured out. I know exaclty what your all about. Tired expressions, first impressions. Tons to read, not enough weed. Spun out day, Soberness away. Mourning an everlasting regret, regaurding your everlasting goals set, Life as it seems is letting me down. Im leaving everything, starting with town. Nothings happeing right now. Build briges, but dont ask how. Good bye's and silent cries. Farewell for now. Dont forget about me, i'll make it some how. What makes an end is complicated. Give it all up for another personality hated. Take lives, 2 wifes. Fast lane, born insane. Sweet dreams, much love, drinking with you, takes me above. Ill never forget the times we had together. My forgetful mind, but I have my treasure. I love all of you, until the very end. If this is the end of you. This is the end of me too.
Richard
This is for you baby, you really mean alot to me even though I may not show it in the best way.
When I call you baby,
I can rest assure
that maybe, just maybe
You'd feel my cure.
Id give you everything
Id give you my life.
Just for one last kiss
Id penatrate knifes.
When Im dead
and when Im gone
Remeber my name
remeber this song.
I love you gorgeous
more than words can say.
Describing my love for you...
my god it would take days.
I cant imagine if you were gone
Id kill myself
I couldnt go on.
I love you baby,
I really do
I love you baby
This is for you.
But its ok, because i'll smile when I pack.
I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused.
Please let your family know...
I hope we are for good, I'm leaving, let me go.
My days go by mentioning your name, not a day goes by that isn't the same.
I dreamt of sweet kisses, so innocent and tame...
for those days are over... played out like a game.
I will kiss the face of another, and i'll think of you one day.
My first love... gone and dreamt away.
I'm gone, but I haven't left, I'm leaving you, but ill remain unkept.
Only you will hurt, because you wont forget my name, lets keep it that way, let my name remain.
Ill keep you in the past, for the past is minutes ago...
please dont beg, "please dont go".
I'll be on the bench in front of you, I wont leave your sight,
but i'll be gone forever, let me go, I refuse to fight.
-Richard
What Is Normal?
By Rich
Normal - Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight; normal diplomatic relations.
The word normal has been altered into a judging outlook. Today, people have set a standard for the word normal by judging the differences everyone is blessed with. If you listen to people today, they will say things like, “that’s just not normal”. But in today’s world, what is normal? How can a person say such a deceiving word? It is a disgusting ugly tool to describe a person’s state of being. Everyone is different and no one is the same. To describe the definition for normal, it says, “one's normal weight, normal diplomatic relations”. In a graphed chart, you have to break down men and women, ages and ethnicity, to come up with and average weight. So you tell me where is the word normal properly fitted in that category. That’s about a 2 to a 300 ratio. Normal diplomatic relations means, dealing with sensitive matters or with people in standard procedures. It’s more of a matrix type of word. It’s a standard in which goes unsaid and discreetly agreed. So think about that word. Think about how the world has changed that word to fit their standards. But where do their standards start? If you look at people today, everyone is overdosing, people are killing themselves, and people are killing people. Households are filled with abuse and family’s are breaking apart. Racism has poisoned our world by causing acts of hate. I hate the word normal and that’s about the last time I will ever write or say that word again.
Richard
